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Showing posts with label Writing Attempts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writing Attempts. Show all posts

 Grasping failures can be arduous.
Success doesn’t come magically.
It takes time, it demands efforts, it needs resilience.
Once in a blue moon, you requisite lady luck on your side.

You were yearning things to be flawless, to fiddle with your mistakes.
You had enough, you already tried your best.
You found nothing.
However, unearth yourself wrecked inside.

Until one day they shatter you.
You lost your way.
You don’t fathom who you are anymore.
Too much on everything overwhelm you.

There is a traverse inside to decide.
To stay as who you are.
To turn into the things that you hate.
Or willing to conclude everything once for all.

Those thoughts truly torn you.
As you discerned that your family loves you in different ways.
Something that you failed to comprehend in your younger days.
Misunderstandings that spur to something misleading.

Superfluous rebellions.
Self-abuses.
Agony.

There’s deeper than one groove.
Not always set. Not always equivalent what everyone says.
When one door closed, there’s another lingering to be open.
Hang in there, nothing remains eternal, even storms will pass by. 

You have come this distant.

Can you bear it?
Day 30: Your highs and lows of the month.

Highs and lows? Did you mean something like ups and downs? I’m sorry, I couldn’t get the meaning. But, if it has similar meaning, let’s go with the last challenge, then.

Let’s started with the lows:

Friends broke their promises more than once. If I were my past self, I might be in rage and can’t forgive them. I value person who can keep their word. However, thanks to the experiences now I am able to understand others (slightly) better and realize the value friendships. I learned that no need to make a fuss. As I get older, I need to learn about compromises, understand about their situation and their priority. Sometimes there is something that you can’t control.   

Still learn how to control my expenses. When I am looking at interesting things, I tend to buy them without thinking, though I know that’s totally unnecessary. It’s hard to resist, especially for discount or limited items. The struggle is real! Resistance is futile!

The last three days, I had insomnia thus my plans become slightly disturbed. I despised that moment because I worry that would alter my process working on replacing bad habits.

Then, about the highs:

Finally, I am able to visit three from five places that I want to visit when I wrote in Day Five. It happened ten days later. The fourth place coming soon next year. It is something that I can’t even imagine I actually can be there due to everyone always busy with their tight schedule.

Happy to know that some bad habits slightly at least replaced with new ones. Still. The result still not like what I imagined. I learned to keep my expectation low at everything to avoid disappointment. Need to keep this up and find better strategy to make things effectively.

Although that I’m not able to participate NanoWriMo, at least I completed this challenge. I never know how it feels able to enjoy writing again. So, to the one who invents this challenge, deep down from my heart, personally I want to say thank you.

So, this means 30 days writing challenge is finished. Thank you for reading and be with me through 30 days challenge! See you next time!
Day 29: What are your goals for the next 30 days?

I already had a plan to do another 30 days challenge. This time is not about writing though, mainly it is not, but there will be a little portion of writing inside. It’s not final yet because I still choose the challenge contents that really fits me. I won’t do something that makes me feel like a chore except it’s a job related, which is duh!

Also, I want to do some reviews. The contents will be varied, from books, culinary, games or movies. That also add another challenge for me to search something to review. It’s a good thing to keep me busy with something beneficial and out from comfort zone. But, I will write that in my native language.  

I want to be more flexible as a person, but still can keep priorities straight. I realize that I am still rigid as a person. Need to rethink again about how I live my life and my long-term goals.

Replacing bad habits with new ones also become another goal for next 30 days. I’m glad there are improvements in some aspects of my life, but old habits die hard. And, I need to find some ways to conquer them. Needs to embrace my shadow to get my persona.

And, stayin’ alive until I can become a person that I wanted to be. There are bucketlists that still not completed yet. 

Day 28: Post five things that make you laugh-out-loud.

Err, I already told you in earliest post about 30 days writing challenge that it’s not easy for me to laugh especially for laugh-out-loud. However, there were times when I had that moments.

Damn You Auto Correct! I can’t find the source now, but there was one post linked to the site that made me laugh like crazy. And, it happened at night when I was bored to death.

Just For Laughs: Gags. I know this show since I was a child. I rarely watch this series anymore, but still when I had time. It is still funny, but more likely hit-and-miss.

Kariage-kun. I know this franchise through Kobo-chan or Kobo the Lil’ Rascal. At first glance, I was never interested to read this. However, time showed me how hilarious the characters inside. Contrast with Kobo-chan, which the story is slice of life about a family life which is cute and heartwarming, Kariage-kun is about story of a salary man who loves to pranks others, including his boss.

Sometimes, I listen misheard lyrics just for fun. Either it can make me laugh or make me cringe.

And, things that absurd, random, but relatable. Sometimes inside jokes.

Okay, those posts make it five. To be honest, I am not a person that can laugh easily like what I said before. In daily life I am always serious looking at things. There is a time when my family watched stand-up comedians. They can make my family laugh, but that not worked for me. Instead of laughing, I tend to over analyze about what funny about their jokes.

It’s not like their joke is lame, it’s not like that their performance is bad. I guess, it’s just a matter of taste. Each person is different. So, there is different type of humor.  

Day 27: Conversely, write about something that’s kicking right now.

Hmm. What to write? That depends on people’s perception through things actually. For me… Hmm, there is nothing interesting that happened in my life, except…

Bad habits slowly replaced with new ones. Besides doing 30 days writing challenge, I also challenge myself to change myself. Sometimes, I still have difficulty, but I am thankful that’s still conquerable. I heard bad habits can be replaced in 30 days if we consistent with what we do. The desire for change itself that must come from within, though. If we do it for others, often it is not worked.

I just got my Isyana Sarasvati’s CD album Deluxe Edition. Started to listen her songs started from yesterday. Actually, when I got my package, there is a little bit of disappointment because earlier when I pre-order the item, I misread ‘handmade packaging’ with ‘handmade item’ in item description. So, there is a little misunderstanding. And, yeah I had my own expectation about the handmade item. Mostly my fault. But, I’m still happy anyway.

There’s a plan to meet with another cousin next month. Must spend some money. I rarely go out if not necessary. Believe it or don’t, socializing needs money. Our money! I prefer buy games, play it at home and eat some pizzas. I guess different people have different interest and priority, huh?

Also there is a plan to go to place that I want to visit next year. After visiting Goa Jepang and Goa Belanda the last two weeks. It’s Lawang Sewu or The Thousand Doors that will be the next destination. We will have trip for two days. It is approved by all family members, but we still find the schedule.

I guess… That’s pretty kicking ass for me.

Day 26: Write an area in your life that you’d like to improve.

I would like to be consistent in whatever I do. Heh. That would scoop the entire area.

I am easily bored when it comes to routine activities, I think I am not the only one with a case like this. So, I need to add some spices to live it up. When I lost interest, it is hard for me for getting back the hype.  

Not only that I am also easily distracted and it is a hindrance to keep focus and finishing things that I started. Well, when that happened the works are still completed, but it takes time and that completely messes up the initial plan.

I’m happy to say to this day at day 26, I am still consistent with what I do. It is a good thing! Which is something that I can celebrate later.

However, still… Deep down inside, I’m not satisfied with the result. Sometimes, I felt that I can do much better than what I already did. Once again, I must learn to know my limits, appreciate the process (each person is different) and try to not compare my behind-the-scene with others highlight reel (which is quite challenging when I’m feeling down).

One step at a time!

Source: sochic28
Day 25: Think about any word. Search it on google images. Write something inspired by the 11th images.

The word that pops out from my head was ‘Harmony’ and this was the 11st images:


I remember that Mum really wants her siblings to be in harmony. But, one time Grandma said that is quite a chore because each family member has their own priority. And, they are not perceiving the same way anymore. The reason is simple. That started when Mum looking at her friend’s family in harmony. Looking at something that she doesn’t have tends to make her wanted similar situation.

As long as I remember, the history with other families through Dad and Mum’s side didn’t go really well. Especially for Dad. He’s already at one situation where sacrificed himself for others, but when he needed help, no one willing to help.

Dad always did his best to help his siblings in order when he needed help, they would help him some way. But, he was wrong when he struck with reality. When I was a toddler and sick and there was difficult situation, no one helped him. Not even lent him some money for his sick child to go to doctor.  That's nothing compared to the sacrifices that he made that more than some money.

That made him change a heart. He loathed the idea to put others first before himself and lead focus at his family and made him cynic through other family members. He is still helping, but he would put his wife and kids first before others. 

And, I recall when I was a kid, I was sitting in Grandpa’s house at the rooftop with other cousins. We discussed that ‘when we grow up, we shouldn’t be like our parents’. We talked about that because when they (the parents) met, they were always boasting about what they had. Or they were boasting about the achievement of their children. Somehow what they talked about always made others felt uncomfortable. That's something that I didn’t like which the first time seed of rebellion was sow.

Time flies by.

Time also has its own way to made us separated and disconnected.


On November 22nd it was the wedding day of my cousin. She was the first grandchild in Mum’s side of family who is married. 


I don’t like parties, but because it is one of the closest one and my family was asked to do some tasks as representative. I just can’t reject.

Long story short, I met other cousins. And, I could see how each of them just like become a different person. One of them asked me and my sister out somewhere if there is a time. True that we haven’t met for years and only meet on occasion.


I guess deep down inside they still want to stay connected, which is a good sign. Why did I say something like that? I learned that because (any) relationship won’t work if there is only one side who fighting to put the bridge together while other aren’t.

Day 24: Write about a lesson that you've learned the hard way.

 I used to be that person who always care about what others think about me. I am afraid when people judge me when I don’t do things like what the rules said or what like others wanted. I am afraid to disappoint others.

 I’m not going to spill the beans because it is too personal.

 Long story short. Until, one day I said to myself that is enough. It is foolish to keep everyone happy while I am tearing apart and no one seems care. Okay, there is some who care, but that’s not the point.

 Sometimes, I must do what is right for me. For my own sake, my own happiness, my own well-being. It is not means to be egoistic or mean person because no one know about me, no one knows about my limits, like I do.

 Happiness is come from within. My happiness depends on me, depends on what I am thinking about myself. My happiness not depends on what others say. Unless their opinions could be exchanged to buy some ice-creams, maybe I’ll consider it. 

Day 23: A letter to someone, anyone.

Hi.

I doubt that you will reading this. Well, unless I share this letter somewhere else where you can notice which sadly I can’t do that for some reason. If you found this by yourself, then personally I want to say thank you for your effort.

Back then, I never expected to meet you at all. I remember clearly that you’re the one who said “hello” to me. That was a fateful meeting that changes my life.

And, still do.

However, I want to tell you that you don’t have to feel obliged. Don’t worry about me. What I did. It was sincere from deep down of my heart. Just chase after your dreams, live the life that you want to be. You deserved that.

I wish the best for you, for all that you do in life.  

I’m sorry that I cannot be a good friend for you. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for the lessons. It was such an honor to be able to meet you.

However, it’s not a farewell. As long we are alive, we still can see each other. I wish when both we meet, we are already happy and content with our life.

Sincerely,

Harry
Day 22: Put your music on shuffle and post the first ten songs

Curbside Prophet – Jason Mraz

Knowing Jason Mraz through his song that called “I’m Yours”. My brother once has this song as his RBT (Ring Back Tone). Then, since I love Jason Mraz songs, I started to collect his song. This song came out at random on shuffle.

Perdóname – Ricky Martin

Knowing Ricky through his famous Worldcup song. This song came from the latest album of his. Reminds me of my Ex. But, this song more likely tell about her. I’m not her half. I’m just her substitute, her ‘hit-and-run’ case before she came back to her Ex and later she dumped again by her Ex. Ha. What a fool of me to believe her words.

Reason to Believe – The Carpenters

Knowing The Carpenters through “Top of the World”. It was one song that I often listen at radio. It’s funny that this song is kind of related to previous song if you see the lyrics. However, I got this song on shuffle, so…

Just To See You Smile – Tim McGraw

Knowing Tim McGraw through ‘Tim McGraw’ that was sung by Taylor Swift. I listen this song a few years ago and still love this song until this day.

Everything I Can’t Have – Robin Thicke

Can’t believe to have his song on my list. Knowing Robin Thicke through his song called… err not “Blurred Lines”, but “Lost Without You”. Okay. Thanks for reminded me that I just can’t have everything.

Pursuing My True Self – Shihoko Hirata

Knowing this song through playing Persona 4. I am still remember that times to find true ending with trial and error while do not understand Japanese at all. It happened before English version released.

Concrete Angel – Martine McBride

I don’t remember this. But, this song is heart-wrecking. Made me aware of domestic violence around especially children.  

Antrilah Di Loket – P Project

I heard this song when I was a kid. It was parody of ‘I Can Love You Like That’ from All 4 One. It is still epic.

Sky’s The Limit – Shihoko Hirata

Opening theme 2 for Persona 4 the Animation.

Fool Again – Westlife

Knowing Westlife through “Season In The Sun”. Mom is a fan.

I went to songmeanings.com to find the song meaning. And, I found one that I am looking for. I guess this song is perfect if using that interpretation. I’m that kind of guy. Sorry, I already gave you chances, but you never learn. I’m not that desperate, you’re not the only woman in the world.


However, what’s written here is not important, but I need to reach minimal quota when I have writing exercise at least 200 words. 

Day 21: Write three lessons do you want your children learn from you?

First, I want my children learn to stand on their own feet. I don’t want my children become generation of strawberry. Okay, I’m being raised by overprotective father and I am always misunderstood about his actions. That made me hate him and it’s the roots of all rebellion. Sure, he wants the best for his kids, but always helping his kids will not make them growth and make them independent.

 I know that’s the form of affections that he gave, but later I understood completely after ponder things again. He was from a broken home family which he didn’t get affection from both parents except his late Grandma, which is my late Great-Grandmother.

 He also not good with words, which is crucial for misunderstanding. It’s alright that parents could step-up into child problem if the children couldn’t handle it on their own. I want them to be strong and independent like my father.  

 Second, I want my children know that time is precious and wonderful gifts. As time we are growing up, our parents are growing old. They will not always there with us. To be honest, I am not the person with family material, but after things happened, I learned to appreciate my family. Think about sacrifices that parents have done for us. Oftentimes, they want to spend their time, but work always in the way.    

 Third, I want my children to learn to communicate their problems instead keep it themselves. Human can be strong, but being strong also has its limits. However, I want them also see the situation if the person they want to communicate is the right person.  

Day 20: Post about three celebrity crushes.

To be frank, I never had celebrity crushes that made me freak over them. Actually, I’m not interested into that kind of stuffs. Sadly, my youth was between me, comics, cartoons and games.

Compare my past self and now, there is not much difference. Unless there is a little time for comics, cartoons, but not some games.  

However, there were some people that I admire, but not into the level of crush:  

Naysila Mirdad

Source: jojotawok 
I know her through a local TV Series called “Intan” at 2006 which has “Ruang Rindu” from Letto as OST. My first impression: She is cute and I love her voice.

Tika Panggabean

Source: sosialberita
She is my favorite personnel from Project Pop along with O’on. Project Pop is kind like a part of my childhood and they are still exist until now. What I love from her, she is comfortable with her body image and she looks as kind, optimistic, cheerful and definitely a fun person to hang out with.

Isyana Sarasvati
Source: Isyana’s Instagram
Fall in love with her voice, although not into the level of hardcore fan. Knowing her through “Keep Being You”. However, my friend already her fan and went through her small gig and got her CD. My first impression: She looks smart.

Actually there is more, like Emma Watson, Avril Lavigne and others, but due to post limitation that is up to three. So…


Day 19: Discuss your first love.

When I went to High School, I chose go to school with mostly where my friends belong. It’s also one of big mistakes because:
1. Mostly friends that I know were assigned in different class.
2. As time goes by, middle school friends already have their own world and new friends.

That time we were still staying in touch, but it is not the same anymore, I felt alone and abandoned. I usually spent my time with walking around the school or simply reading a comic book in the corner of schoolyard.

Then, I met that person.

If my memory not fail me, I remember that it was the first year. I know her when I accidentally saw her through the class window from afar. Doing a music practice. She’s a part of a band and she is the drummer.

She has a long hair, oftentimes her hair was tied and she’s always wearing glasses.
Secretly, I look at that person every chance that I had, but I am too shy.
I just want to be friend with her.

And, I never thought it would be so hard to just start to say, “hello”.

“Hi, my name is Harry, nice to meet you. What is your name?”

Sadly, that word left unspoken.  

Long story short, time passes…

And, I never see that person again.

I don’t know what the feeling that I had that time was. It was counted as first love? Maybe not. That time I was known as socially inept, who having hard time to made friends and started conversations.

Looking back, it’s funny to think that we are the same person and yet so different. Maybe I was attracted to something that she had. No. Not boobs. She is energetic, socially savvy and seems to enjoy her life. Something that I don’t have yet.

Now.

“Hi, my name is Harry. Nice to meet you. What’s your name?”

And, their response just like:

I have a boyfriend.

Day 18: Post 30 facts about yourself.

Okay, this is… a little awkward. What am I supposed to write this time? There are no interesting facts about me. But, sure. A challenge is a challenge and I will still do it.
  1. An introvert.
  2. A beard enthusiast. And, wanted to have different styles of beard if that possible.
  3. Gems lover. And, starting to collect specific gems related to the show if I had extra money. Thanks, Steven Universe.
  4. Prefers to read comic and graphical novel instead novel. But, when decided to read novel, definitely will finish if the book is interesting, although it took time to finish.
  5. Didn’t follow trends. Didn’t want to (and didn’t have money for that because there are things that more important as priority). Having an eye for unusual things, but quickly lost interest when those became trends.
  6. A quiet type, didn’t talk much unless when I become comfortable.
  7. Prefer tea instead coffee. My favorite is Earl Grey.
  8. Love rain, especially with thunder and storm. Rain’s scent made me comfortable. When it comes to rain it is a perfect time to sleep or eat warm foods like soup while reading book, watch film or simply being lazy.
  9. Have a tendency to remember almost everything about life events.
  10. Have a tendency to be perfectionist.
  11. Have a tendency not remembering people after introduction, unless if they have something unusual or when I give them a nickname.  
  12. Due to life circumstance, now I have three limits when dealing with people. One limit used when I become furious. When three limits are over, then… Goodbye.
  13. Used to have imaginary friends and hoped still do.
  14. I have been run away from home, at least for once.
  15. Didn’t smoke and didn’t drink alcohol.
  16. I prefer having a small circle of friend (especially who has the same interests). More comfortable that way instead being alone in a crowd of strangers.
  17. Life changes me into typical ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and ‘not maybe’ person. Quite stubborn and literary cannot be stopped when already make up decisions.
  18. When it comes to a game genre, I love RPG because it’s heavily focused on the story, mostly is J-RPG, but not nowadays J-RPGs. The reason is the battle mechanism. Still. I prefer old schools.
  19. Sometimes looks older or younger than actual age.
  20. At some point I need time for being alone (to recharge energy) and having a hard time to explain to friends and family that how I care about them, but they need to stay away from me for a while.
  21. Didn’t like being asked about personal stuffs.
  22. I have been in car accident for two times. And, still alive even the body was covered with blood. Sadly, it was a hit-and-run case.
  23. A late bloomer when it comes to love-related stuffs. And, didn’t fall in love easily.
  24. Prefer mind instead body. Smart is the definition of sexy for me.
  25. Not afraid of ghosts, but secretly not showing that I am still afraid of flying cockroach.
  26. Enjoy having a deep conversation, talking about ideas.
  27. Always mistakenly as the younger one when it comes to group or going out with someone.
  28. Love to see girl/woman that wearing glasses.
  29. Love to see girl/woman who has long hair.
  30. Sometimes can be an internet addict and forget about priorities. 
Day 17: Post about your zodiac sign, and whether or not fits you.

For the recent months, I am suddenly having interest in Astrology and I don’t know what the reason was. It is a pure curiosity or it is something else?


That leads to one book called Astrolo(ve)gy. I’m not usually read novel, but the implication of zodiac as sign of the main casts written down in stories by writer who also has the same sign intrigue me.


This book already published at January. So, I decided to get one myself. After searching in three places in Bandung’s bookstore and the response that I get is out of stock. I am decided to contact the fan page and asked who in charge if I can order directly.

They gave me the solution about shopping book online in locations that they list for me and if I can’t get them, I could contact the page again for further help. I am thankful, the page admin was so responsive, polite and kind.

And, I got what I want. Plus 20% discount. What a steal!


Ex is one of my favorites. Written by Rizal Iwan, a Sagittarian.

To answer the question above.

“However, one thing that we should know that humans are complex creatures. Sure, sometimes there are similarities. And, it is written in general, it’s like list sample of research. Not everything is applied to each person exactly one hundred percent because as time goes by life changes us. Some still remain the same, while other aspects in our life changing. Zodiac is one kind of tools that it is best to know about our strengths and weaknesses, especially for self-improvement. If we are looking that way, why not?” my two cents.  

For me it is okay to know, in moderate amount within self-control. 

That just like one of songs that I never bored to listen (?). 
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” - Albert Einstein
By the way, having an open mind is delightful and open us to endless possibilities to understand and appreciate things around us.

And, there is one thing that I am still pondering about is the how horoscope works? How did they figure that? I am never interested to read—okay, I lied, I read them when I was a kid—however, now is rarely occurs. That question always lingering on my mind. Interestingly, I found this site that could be useful for explanations.
Source: cafepress
I am jealous, I am secretive and I am resentful. So, my answer is: Yes, it fits me. I am a Scorpio. Done.